i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
