how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
