Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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