I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
