I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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