Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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