Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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