All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My life is pants optional.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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