Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
