also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
