I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize