help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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