yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
