I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
