Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
