this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
