just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
