My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she looked like the before picture.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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