I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
