My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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