i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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