I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
