Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
