Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
As shirtless as possible
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
third nipple confirmed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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