i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
