I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
