take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
