dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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