Swine flu. Run for my life!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
