Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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