Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
