me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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