he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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