I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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