College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
