Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
