We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
