I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
