my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
