whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
