somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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