He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
