Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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