Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
