I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
