thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
