drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
