i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
