Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
