I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
