now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
